There's trouble afoot in the court of Queen Elizabeth I as Sir Walter Raliegh and Lord Burleigh gossip before her Majesty's arrival. All England's hopes rest on the gallant Sir Francis Drake, who is sailing home from Spain. The gnarled navigator is busy taunting his beleaguered crew with threats of the cat-o'-nine'tails, and infuriating his first mate Mr Todd by constantly mentioning food, which is in short supply on board.
Drake returns to a hero's welcome from his queen, but war with Spain is on the cards. Only a marriage proposal from the excitable King Phillip can unite the fueding countries. Good Queen Bess agrees to the match, although she's happy for Drake to keep her bed warm if the union should lack fire!
The conniving Lord Essex is furious to find out that he's been replaced by Drake as the Queen's favorite. He devises a plan to have Bess catch the saucy seafarer in a compromising position with the tempting Lady Miranda.
The queen's anger, however, is short lived. Caught in the act, the silver tounged Drake soon talks himself out of the scandal and back in the queen's favour, but King Phillip is less forgiving - discovering his intended in a clinch with Drake, he declares war!
- Queen Elizabeth I - Hattie Jacques
- Sir Walter Raliegh - John Carlin
- Lord Burleigh - Norman Chappell
- Sir Francis Drake - Sid James
- Mr Todd - Victor Maddern
- King Phillip - Kenneth Connor
- Lord Essex - Jack Douglas
- Lady Miranda - [Barbara Windsor]]
The mention of Richard Burton is a reference to Carry On Cleo.